I've been thinking (don't say it!)

I've been wanting to blog about Joy lately but I'm not really sure how to word what I want to say. Partly because the person whose conversation made me want to blog reads my blog (Hi Sandra!) and partly because joy is a hard thing to really capture into words.

I'm not talking about that sudden, overwhelming sense of elation you get when something great happens, I mean the long-term, every day, smilin' all the time joy. I bring up Sandra because when she asked me how I was she mentioned that I always try to be cheerful and hide how I'm really feeling and I realized that it probably does look like that sometimes. And sometimes I am just "being cheerful" because I should, but not very often. Usually when I'm upset or depressed I don't hide it, not from anyone who isn't a total stranger anyway. I just really am happy most of the time....or at least content.

I think I take it for granted, that joy. It really is a gift of the spirit. I think I underestimate it because it seems like such a passive "fruit". Kindness, gentleness, love, self-control and most of the others are so active, so direct. I love, I treat someone with kindness, I control myself. I don't joy. I have joy. It's passive. But it is so powerful. I think I assume that everyone else has that joy all the time so I don't appreciate the precious gift God has given me.....like that person who is so outgoing that they don't realize what a struggle things can be for a shy person. Joy colors everything.

I'm really not sure what I'm trying to say here except that I've been extra thankful to God this week for gifting me with joy. And in future, if you read my blog this is where it all hangs out. If I'm depressed, you'll be the first to know. If I'm worried, or angry, or embarrassed or whatever this is where I work it out. I only tone it down because I have an inkling of who's reading but I don't hide the feelings. I promise.

I love you Sandra! Thanks for helping me appreciate my spiritual gift this week!