Fear

Do you know what I'm really afraid of? I live in fear that God really does hear me. That He knows exactly what I want and is just saying, "No." because it's not what's best for us. I'm so afraid that what's best for us is to live with much, much less that what we've been living with the last few years.

So far that hasn't happened. We're using our retirement now and are able to pay all our bills and eat out some and buy fun things like yarn to play with. What if what we need is a good dose of poverty? Does that scare you? It terrifies me. We've been pretty close to that before, in college, not able to pay all our bills, living on beans and cornbread, dreaming of buying diapers without feeling guilty for spending the money. I, personally, did not enjoy that time and prefer not to go back there.

The thing is, we grow so much during times like that. I know God will always provide what's best for us, I'm just afraid what's best for us won't be what we really want....like that cough medicine I've been making my kids take, hard to swallow.